Revise paste killsults

Some babies were dropped on their heads, but {player} was clearly thrown at a wall!
{player}'s skill is more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
{player}, don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me amazing, what happened to {player}?
{player} is not as bad as people say, they're much, much worse.
How old are you {player}? - Wait I shouldn't ask, you can't count that high.
How did you get here {player}? Did someone leave your cage open?
I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like {player}.
{player} is the reason God created the middle finger.
{player} brings everyone so much joy! You know, when they leave. But, still.
People clap when they see {player}. They clap their hands over their eyes.
I’d say {player} is ‘dumb as a giraffe,’ but at least a giraffe has a brain.
{player} should carry a plant around with them to replace the oxygen they waste.
Aww, it’s so cute when {player} tries to talk about things they don’t understand.
{player} fears success even though they really have nothing to worry about.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take {player}'s parents, for instance.
Keep barking {player}. Some day you'll say something intelligent!
Don’t get bitter {player}, just get better.
{player} is proof that God has a sense of humor.
Everyone who ever loved {player} was wrong.
If you look up gullible in the dictionary, you'll find {player}!
I know five fat people and {player} is three of them.
Everyone makes mistakes, especially {player}'s parents.
{player}'s father would be disappointed in them. If he stayed.
The last time I heard about {player}'s father, he was out buying milk.
I bet {player}'s family tree looks like a telephone pole!
I envy everyone who has never met {player}.
{player} is like the first slice of bread in a loaf, nobody wants them.
{player} isn't completely useless, they can always be used as a bad example.
{player}'s fat. I won't sugarcoat that, because they'll eat that too.
Every time I hear {player} talk, I can feel my brain cells dying one by one.
{player} is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice for something to happen.